Manager: "Why should I have to do performance evaluations for my direct reports when I see them every day?"
Terminated employee: "I know I totaled the company vehicle by rear-ending a car on the freeway going 70 miles an hour. And I know I tested positive for drugs after the incident and you terminated me, but what are the chances you ll rehire me into another position?"
Recruit: "So can you like fire anyone anytime because of that at-will thing?"
New employee: "Do I have to go to a bank to cash this paycheck?"
Supervisor: "Why can t I hire this candidate? His felonies are not job-related."
Employee: "If I hit a customer, will I be fired?"
CEO: "Can I fire her for being dumb?"
Recruit: "How come you never get tired of listening to so much bullshit?"
HR staff: "Can I order engraved plaques before I know who won the award?"
Applicant: "Do I get paid by check or cash? I prefer cash so the unemployment people don t find out that I m working!"
Applicant: "Who do I have to sleep with to get a job here?"
Government job applicant: "But don t you find that state employees are dumber than regular people?"
Applicant: "Can t you just give me the job, even though I m not qualified?"
New employee: After seeing "Press Any Key" on the computer screen, asks, "Where is the ‘any key?"
Applicant: Having failed the drug test, asks, "Can I take it again in a few days if I promise not to use any drugs after the next test?"
Employee: When asked about her work visa, asks, "Will my Mastercard do?"
Employee: "Does mandatory training mean everyone has to go?"
Employee: "When you tell me that my medical has been cancelled, what do you mean by that?"
Employee: "So why does my criminal conviction mean I can t continue working here?"