March 9, 2014
Some questions are dumb, but others are just plain peculiar. When you get them, you often don’t know whether to laugh or cry. And sometimes you can’t help but wonder what prompted them. But chances are, when you get questions like these, you won’t forget them. Here are our favorites, along with some thoughts on how we might answer them.
Do employees have to wear underwear? Only during work hours. Is testing for arsenic poisoning covered under our health plan? No, but we do address it in our funeral plan. If I were interested in killing my boss, would I be violating any company policy? Which one? Technically, no company policy prohibits that. However, the government frowns upon such action. What happens to an employee who’s caught having oral sex on company time? Memo to self: contact Kenneth Starr. Do you want to see the boil on my butt? Not until the next show-and-tell day. Do I have to dress as a man every day? No, Saturday, Sunday and national holidays are exempt. How much time can I spend going to the bathroom? As long as it takes. What are we going to do about the homosexual, draft dodging good ol’ boys running the building? That’s just what we’ve been wondering. Can I hang bath mats on the walls in my office to insulate against outside noise? Yes, provided they match the décor in your office. What do you think of Victoria’s Secret for employee incentives? Incentives to do what? What’s my astrological sign? I’d say it’s the dodo bird. Do employees have to be able to sing? Yes, please check in the employee manual under "whistleblowing." Can I claim dental benefits if I don’t have any teeth? Hmmm Let me chew on that a bit. When I leave, can I take my cubicle walls? Take them where? Do you hire athletes? Yes. The CEO is a big athletic supporter.
Workforce, June 1998, Vol. 77, No. 6, p. 79.