10. Put an item on the company intranet honoring the employee who got the most use out of the EAP this year.
9. Announce a mandatory company meeting for late in the day April 19, the first night of Passover.
8. Require all applicants to retake the SAT.
7. Start charging per flush.
6. Tell the CEO you've scheduled a fact-finding trip for the two of you to evaluate a merger candidate in Chechnya.
5. Add health benefit: a scale in the copier room.
4. Borrow a border-control car from the INS and park in the company lot.
3. Announce to employees that three years ago you invested everyone's pension money in Yahoo and then later tell them you were just kidding.
2. Claim that it's "retro month" and the minimum wage has been rolled back to $2.15/hour.
1. Change the hold music on the phone to Madonna repeatedly singing "American Pie."